Discipling Democrats
How Republican Helicopter
Parents Might be
Training their Children to Expect
Helicopter Government
Unless you’ve been off on
another planet the last five years you’ve probably heard the label “Helicopter
parent.” This is a term describing moms and dad who “hover” near their college
student making sure everything goes right for them. The phenomenon is part of
the new “emerging
adulthood” stage of life. With adolescence now extending into the late 20’s
(or even to age 32) the era of active parenting is likewise extended into and beyond
college. I don’t think more then five days have past during this past school
year that I have not heard the term and a related story. Usually it is used
when boomer administrators or faculty members report how they “Can’t believe how
little responsibility young adults take for themselves” or how willing students
are for their parents to serve as their arrangers and advocates. Here are some
real illustrations (with a few details rearranged since quite a few helicopter
parents read this column):
·
Mom calls the academic
Dean three times in one week to complain about a low grade a professor gave
their child.
·
A student whose mother
calls him on his cell phone every single morning 30 minutes before his first
class to make sure he gets up and goes to class.
·
A dad who emails a
professor to help his daughter find a way to the airport so she can go home for
Thanksgiving.
·
A mother who
complains to Dean that a faculty member “wasn’t in his office this afternoon” when
her son dropped by to sign up for courses (after the son skipped the required advising
meeting the week before).
·
A father who calls
around the college town to arrange for a rental apartment for his senior
daughter… then drives to town to choose one and make the deposit without his
daughter ever seeing it.
·
A mother who searches
online to select courses for her son and writes directly to the advisor saying.
“Here are the courses I want my son next semester.”
·
A graduating student
wistfully remarks, “I might take a year or so off and travel—I think my folks will
support me financially so I can see the world.”
I could go on, but these are
enough examples to remind us that “helicopter parenting” really exists and it
isn’t rare. In fact I believe this style of parenting will eventually lose its derisive
label—this will simply be considered “good parenting” in the future. Boomer faculty
and administrators will have to quit grumbling about it. It isn’t going away. Many
college students have never paid for their own cell phone, never paid their own
car insurance bill, and do not have the slightest idea what health insurance
costs[1] let alone electric, heat, or Internet access
Along with helicopter parents
we Christian colleges are basically helicopter institutions—we supply free Internet
access, fancy coffee by swiping a student card, bountiful meals and we employ “activity
directors” to arrange programs to entertain students any time they have free. When
students graduate and get their first apartment they are shocked to discover they
must pay money for Internet access or utilities: “You mean I have to pay for water?” Many of today’s college students
(but not all[2]) simply expect someone else to cover these expenses
as if they are an entitlement.
All this has got me thinking about what this means for
the future. It seems to me that we
are systemically discipling “big government Democrats.” That is, I wonder if we are we raising a
generation to expect “someone else” to pay for things like health care as entitlements?
Their lifestyle now is supported by taking
on debt, why would they not expect helicopter government to move in and serve
the same role as their parents have been serving?[3] They
know no other kind of life.
It’s curious to me that mostly
“small government Republican parents” and “Republican-leaning Christian colleges”
might actually produce a whole generation that expects helicopter government to
give them what their helicopter parents used to pay for. Could we who claim to support
a “responsibility culture” actually by our actions be discipling people to
expect the exact opposite—an entitlement culture?
So what do you think?
During the first few weeks, click here to comment or read comments
Keith Drury March 24,
2009