Other "Thinking Drafts" and writing by Keith Drury -- http://www.indwes.edu/tuesday .

 David's Lament

I should have gone to battle that spring.

That's what warrior-Kings are supposed to do.

Lead men,

make war,

get involved.

But I stayed in town.

A weary soldier,

tired of battle,

battlefield burnout,

deserving castle luxury.

Free time,

fun time,

idle time.

I couldn't sleep.

No wonder.

I wasn't where I should have been

So I got up

and wandered around the castle.

to the rooftop

overlooking the city.

The city

my city

"City of David."

Then I saw her.

On a neighboring rooftop.

Taking a bath.

It took my breath away.

Straining my eyes...

"Beautiful"

I said to myself.

More than beautiful.

A goddess of beauty.

Stunning.

Magnificent.

Stirring.

Stimulating.

A quiet voice:

"Turn away."

A small voice,

softly prodding,

But muffled.

I could not turn away.

Or would not.

My eyes transfixed.

Stuck.

Cemented.

Mysteriously bonded to

this creature of beauty.

Peering.

Breathe in shallow gasps.

Hungrily devouring

every inch.

Every movement.

A thirsty man drinking in the desert,

eyes gulping down sweet elixir.

______________

To see is one thing.

To have is quite another.

The eye is but a gate.

The soul craves possession.

To Have.

To Hold.

Coveting -- another man's wife.

First I saw,

and wanted more.

Then I sent,

to find out more.

Then I "got" her,

and I slept with her.

I was satisfied,

she went home.

I got what I wanted,

she went home.

I was now bored,

she went home.

I was finished.

End of story.

One night stand.

Closure.

That's that.

______________

She was alone.

Her husband fighting battles.

My battles.

Then the message: "I am pregnant."

Suffocating words.

Reverberating words.

Exposing words.

Dangerous words.

I engineered the cover-up.

Sent for Uriah,

the Hittite,

the Hireling,

the Hessian.

sent home to his wife.

He went.

The pregnancy would be his.

End of story.

One night stand.

Closure.

So, that's that.

But he would not go home.

This Uriah

the Hittite,

the Hireling,

the Hessian.

He could not.

Sleeping on the cold stone floor.

By the gate,

with the servants.

Next night: we ate again.

I got him drunk.

Drunken men lose their integrity.

Uriah got drunk.

And I sent him home

But he would not go.

Why not?

Take the night off?

Eat a fine meal?

Enjoy the comforts of home?

Sleep with his stunning wife?

He could not!

The ark is in a tent,

not his ark

my ark, our ark.

His master Joab warred.

His warrior-buddies slept in open fields.

How could he go home?

What integrity!

What disgusting integrity!

Admirable integrity.

This Uriah

this Hittite,

this Hireling,

this Hessian.

Sleeping on the cold stone floor.

by the gate.

with the servants.

He "could not" go home.

I gave up.

This man could not be compromised.

_____________

Next morning: I wrote to Joab.

Signed the death sentence

Uriah's death sentence.

"Put him in the front of battle.

a hot spot,

where the fighting is fiercest,

where the enemy is strong.

Then withdraw,

leave him alone,

so he will be struck down,

and will die."

Uriah took the message back,

carried his own death sentence.

Fool!

Faithful fool.

Uriah

the Hittite,

the Hireling,

the Hessian.

He will not read the letter.

He "could not."

He had too much integrity.

Sure enough.

Uriah died in battle.

"Was killed" in battle

by me.

Of course,

Bathsheba mourned.

I took her in

as a wife.

People applauded.

Kind.

Thoughtful.

Humane.

Heroic!

Taking in a lonely widow.

And I said to myself,

End of story.

Closure.

So, that's that.

__________

But the thing I had done

displeased the Lord.

I had covered it over.

God would uncover it.

So here is the prophet Nathan

with his rich-man-poor-man story.

I am angry!

How could a man who has it all,

take from a poor man,

his only lamb.

I am angry!

I am outraged!

I am indignant!

I am covering up.

Such outrage is good for my reputation.

"He would never do a thing like that."

"That sort of thing really makes him mad."

So I said,

"This man will pay,"

But Nathan said,

"You are the man."

My heart chilled.

I was discovered.

My sin uncovered.

I knew.

He knew.

Others knew.

God knew.

I would pay for this sin.

these sins.

Lust.

Coveting.

Adultery.

Abuse.

Deceit.

Disloyalty.

Murder.

Arrogance.

Still others.

I had said,

"this man will pay."

But I was the man.

I would pay.

Embarrassment.

Dishonor.

Humiliation.

Pain.

Constant warfare.

Family war.

Brother against brother.

Son against father.

No swords to plowshares for my family.

And, my precious son would die.

Tender.

Guiltless.

Innocent.

He would die.

Because of my sin.

Sins.

Only God forgives sin.

_____________

"Have mercy on me, O God.

Not because I deserve it.

But because of,

your unfailing love.

Your great compassion.

Blot out this stain.

Wash away the dirt.

Cleanse me from my sin.

I am guilty.

I admit it.

I cannot escape my sins.

They are always before me.

They haunt me in the night.

They ambush me through the day.

They are always near

like the air I breathe.

Unforgotten.

Uncovered.

In the back of my mind.

Suppressed,

but only for a moment.

It is against you and you alone

I have sinned, Lord.

Assuming you did not care.

Pretending you did not see.

You do care.

You do see.

You do expose sin

and punish it.

You also forgive.

For this I pray.

Forgiveness.

Forgive me Lord.

Please.

Forgive me.

Now.

My bones are crushed.

It is too heavy to carry.

I am dirty.

Stained.

Filthy.

Guilty.

Cleanse me,

so I will be clean again.

Wash me,

so I will be whiter than snow.

Do not cast me away from you, Lord.

Hide your face from my sins.

Blot out my evil actions.

Restore the joy of your salvation.

Teach me the wisdom of the soul.

Renew a steady spirit in me.

Grant me a willing spirit.

Let me feel joy and gladness again.

Create in me a pure heart!

Forgive me Lord.

Please.

Forgive me.

Now.

Then I will teach others your ways.

I will open my lips

and praise you

and teach others

about the price of sin,

about the importance of obedience,

even more than sacrifice.

So,

Forgive me Lord.

Please.

Forgive me.

Now."

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