Other "Thinking Drafts" and writing by Keith Drury -- http://www.indwes.edu/tuesday .

WHAT TO DO WHEN A LEADER HAS AN AFFAIR

(Mid 1990's)

Those of us in Indiana are reeling from the news that five time Grammy award winner Sandi Patty confessed last Thursday that her relationship with backup singer (now husband) Don Peslis had begun in 1991 as an extramarital affair 17 months before she divorced John Helvering. In her statement she admitted she 'has sinned and made past mistakes.' She also stated she is 'seeking counsel from my pastor.'

If you were her pastor, what counsel would you give? Since she has confessed and been forgiven by God, should she continue non-stop with her ministry? Or would you say she should follow the example of Michael English, who quit public ministry and returned six Gospel Music Association Dove awards when his affair became public last year? How would you advise Sandi Patty if you were her pastor?

Every pastor needs a principled plan for dealing with extramarital affairs. It's going around these days, you know. If you have not had a member or leader involved yet, it is only a matter of time. Sooner or later in your church you'll have to deal with someone in leadership who falls into sin and has an extramarital affair.

For instance, what would you do if a board member's daughter, who plays the piano in the services, simply moves in with her boyfriend. 'But I love him' she says, and her parents insist that she continue playing because quitting would 'discourage her and she might drop out of church.' Would you let her continue? Or, say you pastored in a small village where your lay leader has been sneaking off to see a woman 20 years younger. Just about everyone in town knows it before you find out. You go to the board to remove him from leadership but they outvote you saying, 'we need to forgive him.' After the vote, he continues the affair but at a reduced frequency. What would you do next? Or what if your music leader is caught in a homosexual affair but says he has been forgiven for it and wants to continue leading the choir. Would you let him continue? If these stories sound real, it is because they are.

If you don't have firm principles on this subject ahead of time, the winds that surface at the time'll likely blow you about. While some of your people will argue for quick execution, you will be surprised at how many others will offer arguments for leaving the person in leadership:

-- God has forgiven them; why shouldn't we?

-- They have stopped sinning; why hold a grudge against them now?

-- The Bible says 'judge not;' and that we should be accepting and loving, not judgmental.

-- The individual should be our first concern, not a set of rules.

-- What about Peter; he denied Christ yet preached at Pentecost.

-- Some gossip, others have affairs, both are equally sinful in God's sight.

-- But she can sing (teach, give, etc.) so well; we need her.

-- If we don't use them they'll just switch to XYZ church and be fully accepted.

-- King David sinned just as bad, yet he stayed in power as king.

-- The church is a place of redemption, not punishment.

-- We should be like a city of refuge here, a safe haven for sinners.

These and other arguments will surely emerge when you face your first affair among the leadership in your church. If you do not have a set of principles, these winds will blow you one way and then another. What principles do you already have? Some denominations have clear principles and procedures. Are you committed to these? Will your district superintendent back you up?

I don't want to pre-empt the making of your own list of principles, but here is the list I am working from. Perhaps you disagree?

1. A person must leave leadership after an affair.

(No exceptions. I'll even get voted out over this one.)

2. Adultery and gossip are not equal.

(Breaking the marriage covenant is an exceptionally serious sin.)

3. The reputation of the church is a consideration too.

(We must be concerned with helping the individual, but not to the loss of the church's reputation 1 Cor. 5.)

4. Forgiveness does not mean staying in leadership.

(I might forgive a baby-sitter who sexually abused my daughter, but that does not mean I'll hire them to baby-sit again.)

5. Restoring a fallen person as a Christian precedes restoring them as a leader.

(The term 'restoration' applies in both cases, but one comes first.)

6. Full restoration is possible.

(After gaining forgiveness from God and others, dropping out of leadership for one or more years, and working through a restoration process, full restoration can occur -- even restoration to leadership. In fact, I believe even a fallen ordained minister can be fully restored to active ministry. Sure, some of the people may never fully receive their ministry. (In fact, the time period is mostly about enabling a fallen leader's restoration in the mind of the church people, not God.) I personally think God's grace is great enough to enable a person to have a second chance -- even at leadership. How? Not by ignoring or dismissing the sin. But by that person dropping out of leadership and dealing with it.

So, what advice would I give Sandy Patti if I were her pastor? I'd say, 'Drop out of active ministry for a year and submit to a restoration process. Sing those patriotic songs for a while. Put 'We Shall Behold Him' on hold. After a year or so you can come back. True, Joyce Landorf disappeared from ministry and Frank Tillipaugh never plans to come back. But, Gordon MacDonald made it back. You can too... if you go about this like he and Gail did.'

What do you think? What Scriptures do you use for guidance? What advice would you give Sandy Patti... or a leader in your own church? If you have not thought it through yet, now is a good time to start. Don't wait until you are in the middle of it.

So what do you think?

To contribute to the thinking on this issue e-mail your response to Tuesday@indwes.edu