Curing & Preventing Staff Infection

Making the Senior-Staff marriage healthy

Ministers often have more trouble working with other ministers than with the laity. There are no (good) marriages without conflict and there are no church staffs without differences, disagreements and disappointments either. If a minister can’t learn to get along with other ministers their choices are limited to serving in a “solo pastor” position. However even there the pressures of relationships are not escaped—the disagreements just come from another source: the laity. In smaller churches the laity often act like ministerial staff—with one curious twist—they can fire the boss! So what are the secrets to getting along better as a ministerial staff?

Here is what actual senior pastors and their staff members say.

I. Mortal infections—“murdering the marriage”

SENIOR pastors say… 1. Lack of team spirit 2. Lack of loyalty to Senior Pastor 3. Essential difference in philosophy

STAFF pastors say… 1. Not being treated as a colleague 2. Feeling that SP is threatened or is jealous. 3. Being “used” rather than developed.

II. Other irritations in the relationship.

SENIOR pastors say… 1. Staff can’t see whole picture 2. Laziness... lack of hard work 3. Bad chemistry 4. Ignoring Sr. Pastor’s expectations 5. Doesn’t want to be accountable--report 6. Low productivity 7. Too narrow "wedge" 8. Casual attitude toward time 9. Jealousy over pay 10. Building own kingdom 11. Stepping-stone attitude

STAFF pastors say… 1. Unclear expectations or job description. 2. Different philosophies of ministry 3. No meetings to communicate. 4. Expectations of unpaid spouse. 5. Having to do dirty & trivial work. 6. Lack of appreciation & affirmation. 7. Feeling my opinion doesn’t count. 8. Hand-me-down-jobs. 9. Fear of competition. 10. Expected to be a jack-of-all-trades. 11. Overloaded with jobs. 12. Being viewed as a "boy" not a minister. 13. Unrealistic expectations. 14. Making me feel inferior. 15. Never socializing with SP.

III. How to correct the other minister.

SENIOR pastors say… (How the senior pastor should correct staff) 1. Prayer first 2. Perspective -- Let some things alone. 3. Privately -- never in front of board. 4. Personally -- not with letter or note. 5. Promptly – don’t let it pile up. 6. Positive -- make the total effect motivation. 7. Pointed -- Be specific, clear, cite examples 8. Purpose -- to change, not admit they are wrong

STAFF pastors say… (How the staff pastor should correct Senior pastor) 1. Pray first. 2. Pray more. 3. Pray still more. 4. Present options; express as a question. 5. Maybe better leave it alone. 6. Avoid looking arrogant. 7. Learn to be a constant mirror. 8. Don't get emotional.

IV. How to reduce competition in the relationship

SENIOR pastors say… 1. Affirm staff publicly not with flattery but truth. 2. Fellowship together. 3. Hire a protégé.

STAFF pastors say… 1. Be SP's cheerleader. 2. Watch out for overlapping areas. 3. Have regularly scheduled staff meetings. 4. "Glory Garden" all success back to SP. 5. Never hide anything. 6. When others compare, cite qualities of SP. 7. Ask for forgiveness. 8. Never, ever, listen to criticism of the SP.

V. Policies that aid good staff relationships

SENIOR pastors say… 1. Regular staff meetings. 2. Regular social times. 3. Retreats once a year. 4. Plan services together. 5. Regular office hours & clear expectations. 6. Clear job descriptions 7. Annual staffs review. 8. Specific measurable goals & accountability. 9. Clear dress code.

STAFF pastors say… 1. Staff meetings. 2. Open door policy. 3. Regular fellowship 4. Vision retreats. 5. Praying together

VI. Responding when a lay person criticizes another minister

SENIOR pastors say… When members criticize staff. 1. Interrupt; ask if they’ve gone to staff. 2. If not, send them or take them now. 3. Yet, collect written annual input annually.

STAFF pastors say… When someone criticizes the Senior pastor to you. 1. Don’t listen. 2. Take to SP NOW. 3. If they get too far... apologize. 4. Do unto others....

VII. When should a minister leave?

SENIOR pastors say… A senior pastor should get ready to leave when…” 1. Your vision is gone for this church. 2. You are no longer being stretched. 3. Constantly feeling unfulfilled. 4. No dreams left... died out. 5. Negative statements from lay staff. 6. Feelings like you are merely "Surviving." 7. Settling for status quo.

STAFF pastors say… Start saving boxes when… 1. SP's spouse won't look you in the eye. 2. Low or no communication. 3. SP accepts ideas too fast: ”Whatever.” 4. Pulling away... relational stiff-armed. 5. Increasing comparison to other Staff. 6. Sense SP has lost respect for you. 7. Inordinate correction for little errors. 8. Walls start going up. 9. SP reports negative comments from MPs--"Mystery People."

VIII. Questions staff wish they’d asked in the interview.

STAFF pastors say…

1. What have been past crisis in your life?

2. How did you come to know Christ?

3. Who mentored you?

4. What helps you grow spiritually?

5. Where do you feel strongest as a leader?

6. Where do you feel weakest as a leader?

7. Tell me about your kids.

8. What are your priorities in life?

9. How do you spend your time off?

10. Hours of personal time you take weekly?

11. What are your favorite 5-6 books?

12. What church is a role-model-church to you?

13. Who are your personal role models?

14. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

15. What kind of music do you listen to?

16. What does your spouse do in the church?

17. Describe who worked for you in the past.

18. Who is the best staff person you’ve had?

19. Why were they the best?

Keith Drury, September 27, 2005 www.TuesdayColumn.com

So what do you think?

What would you add?

What’s missing in this list?

What is the best advice here?

Click here to comment or see other comments on this article

1. These responses are a summary of the "Roanoke Consultation on Multiple Staff Relationships, Roanoke Virginia facilitated by Keith Drury. Two groups met in the late 1980’s—the first a group of senior pastors and the second group were the staff pastors of those senior pastors. They met separately and gave their input on staff challenges and solutions. The final report became a means of communication between the Senior Pastors and Staff Pastors—each participant in the consultation promised to meet together to discuss the report and its application to their own situation. Since the answers are from the late 1980’s these answers will soon be 20 years old. Many of the staff pastors attending the consultation are now Senior pastors and have their own staff to manage. I re-reading this data today (2005) I am struck by how many of the “complaints” are similar today. Is staff conflict less about generational differences than we think?

Photo courtesy of http://www.beavis-butthead.ru/pictures/fighting.jpg