“Fences” to guarding yourself on the Internet

 

I used to work with ministers whose #1 temptation was “overcoming impure thoughts” and I’ve written plenty of that subject over the years and have plenty of stories of how men (and some women too, though my wife works that side of the street) have found complete victory in their thought life. 

          However there is less demand for help with thought life nowadays among both pastors and my students.  The #1 temptation today (for men at least) is the attraction of Internet porn. In the last five years I have had dozens of students or pastors talk to me about Internet porn and not a single one ask me about impure thoughts.  Apparently the “battle line” has moved from the inner sanctum of the mind to the outer action of porn surfing. My own University has installed complex and expensive software to filter many of these sites, but the “law of Windows” has reminded us repeatedly that for every program invented there are always loopholes, back doors, and workarounds.  So, even with sophisticated software installed some students can still access porn online, let alone get it by CD-ROM or DVD. 

It will only get worse.  What once took an action of driving across town and publicly entering an “adult book store” now can be done with a click of a mouse in the privacy of a church office or residence hall.  I’m no expert on the subject but the kinds of things most of us professors tell students are similar and I’m gathering them here to present to a retreat of missionary men this week. 

Most of us professors suggest the building of “fences” back from the cliff to keep oneself from careening over the cliff into addiction and even spiritual and marital destruction.  Of course these fences can be crawled under or climbed over by anyone who is really clever with computers. The soldiers on the beach at Normandy eventually broke through the German’s fences.  But fences slow us down, they make it harder to sin, they give us time to think about the willfulness of our act so they are useful. 

So here are some of the hints and tips most of us as professors suggest to young men headed for ministry… and they might help older men already in the ministry too.

 

1. Call it sin. The first century did not have the Internet and thus there are no explicit verses on Internet porn any more than there are verses on cocaine use.  But that doesn’t get you off the hook.

  • Perhaps the pagan temples of the day could be a parallel of sorts —indeed a guy secretly entering the “silent sacred space” of the Internet sanctuary seeking porn has similarities to visiting the competing [sex] worship temples of the first century. 
  • And certainly the writings on thought purity relate don’t they—can a person watch porn without any of it going into the mind? How could this be?  So all the Scripture on thought purity condemn porn.
  • And if you are married, most Christians would say the commitment to marital faithfulness eliminates sneaking off with an imaginary online girl.  Any of these seems to be no-brainers. 
  • At least porn-surfing is “lasciviousness,” the wanton stirring up of one’s animal lust.
  • But what about the church?  You want to know if sneaking off to watch porn a sin?  Line up 1000 Christians from history and today and ask them if porn is sin.  What sort of answer will you get?  If you believe the Holy Spirit speaks though both the Bible and the church then consider their resounding answer: “It is sin, believe us.” 

So then call it sin.  Be careful of labeling your porn surfing “a problem I have” or a “this barrier to my effectiveness” or even [only] calling it an addiction.  If you are a Christian also call it “sin.”  Calling a behavior or attitude sin gives us additional resources to help us overcome.  A problem calls only for a solution.  Sin calls for repentance, forgiveness, and deliverance, all things God specializes in.  You may indeed have an addiction and you might need to admit that too—but also label your addiction “sin” so you bring God into the recover equation.  God works with sin—it is one of His specialties.  He forgives, delivers, and cleanses. Even secular godless people can overcome porn, but Christians have an additional aid to help us overcome: God’s grace and cleansing power. Label your Internet-porning “sin” and thus open yourself up to God’s additional resources in deliverance.

 

2. Find other ways to satisfy some of the “propellants” of your desire for Internet porn. 

Curiosity: completely take apart an old computer to see what’s inside.

Danger/risk.  Get a motorcycle, go rock climbing or sky-diving

Boredom.  Make a list of ten exciting things you always wanted to do and start doing them.

Visual pleasure.  Find pictures of great art, beautiful cars, scenes from nature, mountains, lakes.

Reward.  If you “owe yourself a reward” for your hard work eat a gallon of ice cream or buy a sports car.

Sex: Consider your spouse as a means of sexual release, or reaffirm singleness and chastity.

Escape.  Go for a drive, take an unscheduled vacation, delete all your email, run away in some other way.

Professional suicide. Quit your job, walk away, say “I quit,” take a sabbatical.

What else? What propels you toward Internet porn?  Find other ways to satisfy these “needs.”

 

3. Make a policy of always having a “witness” for deletions.  Never delete the history, cookies or the Internet temp files without a witness.  Show your witness where these files are and get them to agree to check them from time to time making sure you’ve not deleted them between.

 

4. Have your spouse set your content advisor in Windows and set a password you don’t know.  This will provide some content security—perhaps more than you want (e.g. some articles on overcoming porn addiction may be screened).  However this is a cheap way to start and at least every minister or ministry student can do this.

 

5. Get an accountability partner/program.  These programs keep track of every web site you visit then it quietly sends a report to your accountability partner.  Programs like these are hard to circumvent and allow for accountability anywhere around the world.  The best-known program is probably the one at www.covenanteyes.com.   Also you might consider the program at www.bsafehome.com.   Both of these programs “cost as much as a porn video” or so, but considering the risks of porn addiction that is a small price.  See if your spouse will pay for it.  However there is simple free program from www.integrity.com that does not require purchase that is a good start.  Also see www.xxxchurch.com and http://www.pureonline.com/ You might find someone who is willing to be cross-accountable and both of you use the program. 

 

6. If addicted, get into recovery.  If you are not yet addicted concentrate on the fences above. If you are in an addiction pattern already then get help for self-monitoring programs and even a single accountability partner may not get you rescued in time.  Get “ambidextrous” help:  from both the spiritual/deliverance hand and the addictions-recovery hand.  Let both hands help you recover.  How to know if you are addicted?  You might be addicted if you’ve tried to stop but can’t, you lose track of time, you live a secret double life, and you’ve repeatedly broken your promises to yourself and God to stop.  If you are addicted there is still hope, but the hope is outside yourself and a single accountability partner so get help before destructive effects ruin your ministry or marriage or both.

 

7. Seek deliverance.  It really is possible to0 be delivered from this drive—not the sex drive itself but the drive to seek out porn.  God does this sort of thing.  He can do it gradually though a slow and painful process of making gains and losses.  He can do it in a short time—say over a period of 6-8 weeks.  He can even do it instantaneously.  This is the miracle of God’s power—not just forgiving sin but delivering us form the desire to sin.  I know many folk respond to this truth with unbelief.  They cannot believe God ever delivers a person from wanting to sin, but He does and He can!  The old time holiness preachers would say it this way:  “Let God work in you so you can watch all the porn that you want to.”  Their point: God can change our wants so that we are not longer driver to seek sin… thus, not wanting to disobey we live in obedience.  You may not believe this is possible… and if you don’t you’ll never experience it: “so be it unto you according to your faith.”  However if you believe God can and does do such “deliverance” in a person start seeking this deliverance “until you find it.”  That does not mean you should ignore all of the advice above and take the short-cut of microwave spirituality.  Rather, along with doing your part (#1 to #6) also seek God’s miraculous deliverance promised here in #7.  Seek until you find…knock until the door opens… ask until you are given…

 

By Keith Drury with James Fuller

July 31, 2005