The Fruitful Life

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The Fruitful Life

Week Three

THE FRUIT OF EXPERIENCE

Experience counts. It sometimes seems to count more than anything. This isn’t just true in the job market—this is true when it comes to spiritual things. This is true when it comes to fruit. The experiences of your life are the fruit of your life. When you look back at the end of life experiences are what you’ll remember. And the quality and meaningfulness of those experiences add up to the kind of fruit you left behind. You have experienced thousands of things in your life already. But there are a few experiences that shaped how much fruit you have shown—and will continue to in the future. In the next 7 chapters this week we’ll take a journey through the fruit of experience. These are the things which shape your fruitfulness more than any other experiences. They add up to The Fruitful Life for you.

Being Developed

Who you are is a result of who developed you.

In so very many ways you are a product of your creator and your environment:

DEVELOPED BY GOD

God developed you before anyone else. In praising God’s amazing all-knowing nature, Jeremiah the prophet said, “Before I was born, Lord, you saw my unformed body.” And in Psalms 139 King David writes, “For You created by inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” God is not only the Great Physician, but apparently he’s an obstetrician. God is intimately involved in our physical development from and even before birth.

But it goes beyond even that. The Apostle Paul says to the believers in Galatia, “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.”[1] God not only oversees your physical birth, but also your spiritual one. And it is a matter of Christ’s “formation” in you. The New Living Translation says, “until Christ is fully developed in you.”[2] That idea of development in Christ is what God wants for and from us.

DEVELOPED AS A CHILD

Early in life you were developed in ways that stuck with you. Nearly every study on early childhood development stresses more and more how those years, if not prophetic towards your future, are at least predictive towards it. Your parents or guardians, your siblings (if any), your neighborhood friends, your schoolteachers and classmates. All these people developed who you became and are still becoming.

DEVELOPED AS A YOUTH

As a teen you had more control over your development. You were able to make more choices about who your influencers were. For sure, once you had chosen them much of the end product of your teenage development was already assured. But you still had the choices to make. Coaches, teachers and family all developed you in these years. But your friends likely developed you more than you expected them to.

DEVELOPED AS AN ADULT

The adult you are becoming reflects those developing you. You’re not done being developed today. The people still investing in you today continue to form who you are becoming. Don’t worry if you’re concerned that you’re only what you were. The past is not the only prediction of the future. But be concerned that you will become what you’re becoming. By that I mean that you current development is like a telegraphed pass showing where you’ll end up. Everyone can see it coming. So shape it. Make sure you’re being developed and formed by who you want to be. Mentors aren’t just for the young. Find mentors even now that will form you into what you want to be.

MILESTONES AND MENTORS

We all reach milestones in our lives. These are points along the way that mark our development: We learn to walk. To talk. To count. To read. To write. To sing. To whistle. To wink. To study. To befriend. To drive. To date. To have our first real job. To live on our own. To marry the love of our lives. To have a child of our own. The cycle continues. The milemarkers pass.

But these lists of milestones don’t tell the whole story. Most of us pass most of them if we get the chance. What sets you a part from others is who developed you. We often call these people “mentors.” Mentors matter as much or more than the other milestones of life. So you should keep track of them just like you would mark your height on your doorframe growing up. Use this worksheet below to write down who developed you up to the present and how they did it, and who you’d like to in the future:

EARLY LIFE YEARS: HOW HAVE THEY DEVELOPED YOU?

____________________ ____________________________________________________

TEEN YEARS: HOW HAVE THEY DEVELOPED YOU?

____________________ ____________________________________________________

ADULT YEARS: HOW HAVE THEY DEVELOPED YOU?

____________________ ____________________________________________________

JESUS CHRIST: HOW GOD HAS DEVELOPED YOU?

____________________________________________________

FUTURE MENTORS: WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEVELOPED YOU?

____________________ ____________________________________________________

Responding to Crisis

Nothing changes your heart like a crisis.

Going through an intense crisis forces you to show your true colors. Thing get pretty black and white and you feel like the world is crashing in. What you truly believe comes out. What you’re unsure of comes out too. And you have to figure these things out in the midst of great loss. Crisis is the crucible Christ uses to shape your future fruitfulness.

A FRIEND’S CRISIS

Few things gnaw at you more than seeing a friend go through a crisis. Whatever crisis they face, you feel like you’re going through it with them. You feel their pain. But you aren’t, in the end, dealing with the crisis directly. That’s some of the pain, in fact. You wish you could do more. You see what’s happening and you with you could do something about it. But you can’t. You can only be there for them.

The way you respond to these crises shapes you deeply. You can become bitter and carry the wounds of another. Sometimes you may not even “get over” the crisis even when the friend that went through it is past the whole thing. Or you can respond to these crises with God’s compassion and give peace to your friend. You can respond to that crisis by showing more fruit.

A CIRCUMSTANCIAL CRISIS

Few things are as frustrating as a circumstantial crisis. You lose your job. The house is flooded or burned down. Financial or actual hurricanes hit. The stock market crashes or your boat never comes in. It seems like everything is conspiring against you. This is a circumstantial crisis.

How you respond to a crisis of circumstance is important. It shapes your future fruitfulness. For one thing, it shows how much you can handle. Things get tougher as life goes on—if you haven’t notices. And sometimes bad circumstances only become more common the longer you live. Or at least the stakes get higher. Part of overcoming circumstantial crisis is the proper perspective. At least circumstances aren’t threatening the people you love most. At least you didn’t lose a family member.

A FAMILY CRISIS

But sometimes you do lose a family member. Few things expose more emotional pain than a family crisis. Death is often the worst family crisis. Unexpected deaths or long torturing sicknesses are often the worst. They can easily embitter you toward others and God. Divorce, infidelity or other marriage problems run a close second to death in the family. These struggles are a crisis that only those connected to Christ can overcome for the better.

A PHYSICAL CRISIS

Few things test your limits like a physical crisis. The whole world may come crashing down around you—but you never know what you can take till your own body is hit. We don’t have a real awareness of our body when it’s not in pain. You don’t think much of your back unless it hurts. In the same way you may take for granted your health and life until some disease or accident threatens both.

A physical crisis which you overcome can shape your fruitfulness as few other things can. People are amazed to see a man or woman in dire physical straits praise the Lord and remain full of complete joy (rather than trivial happiness, remember). And after you’ve gone through the valley of death that is a physical crisis, you can have full confidence that God will use you to bear even more fruit.

A SPIRITUAL CRISIS

Nothing changes your view of the world like a spiritual crisis. Beyond all of these crises there is still this greater valley. Sometimes a spiritual crisis is caused by one or many of the above crises acting in concert together to push you over the edge. When in a spiritual crisis you begin to question God. You being to wonder why He does what he does. You wonder if He’s even there. And if He is, you wonder if He’s in fact a cruel God. Most of us come to some point in life where we have a spiritual crisis. This is where the rubber of our faith meets the road. Many don’t make it out with any faith at all in the end. But those that do are the most fruitful among us. They not only have confidence in their relationship with God – but they have stared over the cliff of non-faith and seen what the alternative really is.

JOB: A STUDY IN RESPONDING TO CRISIS

Few men experience all the above crises at the same time. But in the Old Testament one man did. His name is Job. Job lost his friends, his cattle (means of income), his family, his physical health, and began to have a spiritual crisis and finally questioned God in the end. But God spoke to Job in the midst of all this pain, and God blessed him an made him more fruitful than ever, doubling and tripling all he ever had.

One other key person in scripture went through all the categories of crisis above: Jesus. His heart broke over the losses of all those around him. He had nowhere to lay his head and even his clothes were stolen and gambled away. He was bruised, beaten, stabbed, crucified and died. And he lost his family and friends in the process. In the end he had two spiritual crises. He asked that God take the “cup” he was handed from him, asking for God to change the plan. And while on the cross he asked, “Why, God, have you forsaken me.” But in the ultimate example of responding to crisis with more fruit than ever – Jesus overcame sin and death and rose from the grave. He paved the path for us to take, and as Paul tells us, we can “rejoice in suffering for Christ” because it identifies us with Him.

Getting a “Reality” Experience

Your view of the world could use a reality check.

Reality TV has overtaken television in the United States. Even the Emmy Awards, once the bastion of “serious” television, have awards for reality television and have all but resigned to the fact that many of the “stars” of TV are now regular people chosen from the public and placed in front of the camera in stressful situations.

While most of us bemoan this trend the ratings don’t line: millions of people tune in every week to see regular people divulge their inner feelings and get themselves into a relational mess with other regular people. They call it “reality” since that’s what it’s supposed to present. But we all know it isn’t really reality. We know much of it is doctored or staged or mis-represented or blow out of proportion. We also know it isn’t our reality. Our reality at that point is sitting in climate-controlled environments with chips and a remote control watching staged reality through that little box on the entertainment center.

THE SIMS – SIMULATED REALITY

If that wasn’t a bad enough representation of “reality” then think about the videogame The Sims. One year for Christmas I bought this videogame for a family member. We were all at a cabin in the woods in the Amish area of Northern Indiana. We plugged in the video game system and watched as we took turns playing this game. It was a hilariously ironic first day. Your character (which you can name after yourself or give a fictitious name) starts off living with his mother and sleeping on the couch. You have to become adept at household chores (which your computer generated mother refuses to do) and eventually get a job and a place of your own. It’s all very “realistic.” In fact, if you don’t pay the bills, you get in hot water. If you don’t bathe, your hygene becomes so unbearable that people won’t talk to you. If you don’t get enough sleep, you pass out from exhaustion in the yard. And worst of all, if you don’t tell your character to go to the bathroom, you wet yourself, even during the middle of a conversation with your imaginary girlfriend.

For a few hours that first day we were laughing our heads off at this “reality” game. We noted how we would tell the character to do the dishes but none of us had yet done the dishes from lunch in the real world. We would crack jokes that our real life “bladder” meters were low and leave the room for that purpose. One of us talked about how many young men who actually ARE living with their moms and sleeping on the couch are probably better at making their Sims character successful than they are in making their own lives work. Many probably look in the classifieds in that game more than they do in real life.

But after a day of this it got old, as you knew it would. Once we immerse ourselves in “reality” for too long like that—most of us would just rather live our own lives with all their troubles. All their real life reality. You know things are bad when your 9 month old baby is crying at the same time your video game baby is crying and you have to make a decision about which one to help first! Too bad real life doesn’t come equipped with a pause button.

SHORT TERM REALITY WAKE UP

Every once in a while a something comes along that shows us the true reality in the world and it wakes us up for a bit. I don’t think I’ll ever forget a Frontline special on PBS I saw that showed the genocide in Uganda in the 90s and the failure of the UN and the West to respond to the obvious need. The movie “Schindler’s List” gripped me and my outlook on World War 2 and the Holocaust—even though my mind didn’t need changing on things, perhaps my heart did. And the Passion of the Christ’s depiction the beating Jesus really experienced in the final hours of his life was so disturbing and real that I can’t get the images out of my mind—and I think that’s probably a good thing.

But while some say that these kinds of films and shows show “Too much reality” I still think they’re not far removed from The Sims or reality TV. The reason is the experience.

REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE

I can watch The Passion of the Christ on my DVD from the comfort of my living room – just like I can control my Sims character while drinking a Diet Coke™. There’s perhaps nothing inherently wrong with both of these things. However, if I let my life add up to only those climate-controlled experiences then I really haven’t experienced it at all. How much have I done to ensure the things that happen in Uganda don’t happen again—even though I know all about the problems? How much have I done to root out anti-Semitism in myself and others—even though I know all about the Holocaust now? How much am I doing to make sure people know what painfully Christ gave for them—even though I’ve seen it on the big screen with people munching popcorn around me?

It’s all about getting real life experience, and to do that you need to get way out of your comfort zone. And by way out I mean more than just crossing the street to invite a neighbor to your church or small group. It might mean crossing the globe.

GOING TO THE NATIONS

This third experience that shapes the fruit of your life is a risky one. It involves cross-cultural mission. A cross-cultural mission experience is when you and a group of other people go into another culture than your own for the purpose of advancing the kingdom of God there and in your own heart. Everyone that does this points to it as a pivotal experience in their lives. And just like being developed and responding to crisis, it changes you forever and shapes the kind of fruitful life you live.

When I was just 14 years old I went on a Missions Trip to Lima, Peru. One day we traveled to the shanty-town area of that city, and we were astonished at the poverty and living conditions. Entire families were living in huts built from scraps of wood, cloth and cardboard. And it wasn’t just a few people. As I got out of the car and turned 360º all I could see was these flimsy and filthy cardboard neighborhoods.

We went to a tiny church in this area and after holding a short service one of our team members, Marcie, brought out a bag. Now, since we had arrived there Marcie had 10 kids climbing all over her. She had platinum blond hair which was so rare for them to see and the kids were pawing at it constantly. But the bag she pulled out was full of candy she had brought from the States. She and the rest of us started to throw it out to all the kids. Within 5 minutes the crowd had quadrupled as people spilled in from the streets at the news of free food. But though the bag was big it wasn’t big enough. We started to turn people away. A small riot was starting. As we filed out through the center aisle a few of our team members passed a short woman with an unclothed baby on her hip. She had her hand outstretched and I could see her frustration when told that we were “all out.” As I passed she looked me dead in the eyes from 12 inches away and just held out her hand, then looked at her baby. That experience marked me forever. For sure – we didn’t really do the wisest things that day and maybe did more to hurt than help, I fear. In the future I always want to be wise and strategic at truly helping the Kingdom. But more importantly, that experience changed my view of the world and actually changed the way I live my life. I now know that yes, I don’t have enough for everybody. But God does.

Have you ever had a cross-cultural experience that changed your view of the world and actually changed the way you lived your life? What kind of fruit are you seeing in your life since then? Are you in need of this kind of experience? Don’t waste any time. Go this year – and see the fruit in your life grow because of it. Crossing the street to reach your neighbor doesn’t seem like that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things once you do.

Developing Brokenness

If you’re broken, God can use you.

If you’re not, prepare to be broken.

If you’ve ever wondered if God just seems to be looking for broken people, you might be on to something. Certainly the hall of heroes in the Bible is no list of perfect people. And when you get to know the backgrounds of the Christians you respect the most you find they don’t always have the perfect pedigree either. God uses broken people. He likes to pick up the pieces and assemble his own puzzle picture, rather than buy the finished product.

Which is a good thing for you and I – because we’ve got issues. But even more than imperfections, God searches for people with brokenness experiences. He’s on the hunt for people that have been broken and developed through, in spite of and because of that experience.

A DREAM TEAM BUILT ON BROKENNESS

We’ve stumbled upon this truth in our staff at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church. Pastor Dennis Jackson, who often calls us his “dream team,” has mused that few on our staff were “sure things” when we hired them. Even though we often get great encouragement from our people and praise from those outside of our church for the wonderful team we’ve assembled, we’re scratching our heads a bit because we all know we weren’t all-stars when we came here.

In fact, not one of the members of our inner core leaders which we call the “Ministry Program Team” had done the equivalent role we hired them to do before they came here. That’s usually the most important thing people look for in hiring – a track record of success in doing what you’re going to hire them to do. But not here. Some of our MPT members were in an entirely different field before they started a new role here: a nurse who became a children’s minister, a young adult minister turned missions pastor, a church planter turned connections pastor, and a social worker turned worship leader turned small groups pastor turned executive pastor. A few were hired right out of college with no full-time experience at all. Others came from a mixed bag of results in other churches. Some of us came directly from flat-out failures.

But one by one each of these team members came here and launched into an extremely productive ministry in a new area of passion. What did we have that Dennis Jackson was looking for—and that enabled us to succeed in uncharted territory? We were broken.

Pastor Dennis has related it to me this way: “Now we always ask questions about the breaking experiences those interviewing with us have had. We don’t want them to hide these things. Their brokenness shows the character God has developed in them. In fact, we so firmly believe that developing brokenness is a journey we all must take that if a candidate hasn’t had a breaking experience, we’re a bit worried about hiring them. God might then use our church as their breaking experience—and that’s a painful process to enter into without a lot of caution.”

It seems that God cares little about the things we put on our résumé’s: successful experience and education. He pays a lot more attention to our brokenness. There are at least three kinds of brokenness:

Self-inflicted. This is the brokenness you bring on yourself. Sin often causes self-inflicted brokenness. Some people inflict brokenness on themselves through long periods of fasting or removal from society in one way or another.
Circumstantial. You understand this kind of brokenness. This is when the stuff of life comes down on you so hard that you have a “breakdown.”
God-orchestrated. Sometimes God opposes you if you’re a proud believer and actually orders events, experiences and emotions that break you so he can use you in the future. This is hard to think of – but after the experiences many people will confirm that they believe God orchestrated their breaking experiences.

A BROKEN AND CONTRITE SPIRIT

Psalm 51 talks about brokenness like no other part of scripture. King David wrote this Psalm after experiencing the self-inflicted kind of brokenness above. He had committed the grievous sins of adultery and conspiracy to commit murder. The Prophet Nathan called David out regarding his sin and David immediately repented, writing, “For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight.”[3] He implores God to “Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice.”[4] He feels this brokenness deeply – even in his bones.

Then there’s the familiar part of the Psalm, which was turned into many hymns and songs. David says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.”[5] How beautiful a picture of not only repentance, but what God can create in us even after our brokenness!

The Psalm earlier states: “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.”[6] There we see that revealing the “hidden part” is the key to the path of brokenness, which creates wisdom in us. That hidden part isn’t touched till we’re broken. Too many layers cover it when life is peachy keen.

The Psalm begins to wrap up with a statement about brokenness that ties it all together: “For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart-- These, O God, You will not despise.”[7] Your brokenness is the sacrifice God seeks. You offer him so many other things, your talents, your treasure and your time. But before any of that he seeks your broken heart. And if it is not yet broken then God will arrange the breaking for you.

NEW BIRTH BROKENNESS

In the original language used for “broken spirit” here the idea of being broken can mean “the point of birth.”[8] In many ways, until you are broken, you are not out on our own in the world. You are merely incubating until the right timing for a painful but nonetheless essential entry into the real world. Like the birth of a baby, brokenness is rarely a pretty process – but it can be likewise the start of something beautiful.

In Front Porch Tales, Hoosier author Phillip Gully tells a fascinating story of an old man on his street as a kid who planted several trees in his front yard. Gully relates how strange it was to see how the old man would never water the trees at all, then would come out with a rolled up newspaper and beat the tree trunks when they were just saplings. Gully thought the old man might be a little off his rocker to say the least. One time he asked the old man why he kept beating the trees. The old man said “to get the tree’s attention.” He believed that coddling the trees when they were young gave them shallow roots and no strength for the storms. Gully speaks of how he still walks by the property of that old man, now long gone. The trees he saw planted, un-watered and beaten with a newspaper are now, in Gully’s words, “They’re granite strong now. Big and robust. Those trees wake up in the morning and beat their chests and drink their coffee black.”[9]

Maybe there was a time many years ago in your life when you felt like God was senselessly beating on you like an insane old man with a rolled up newspaper. Maybe that time in your life is right now. Maybe it’s right around the corner. The wisdom of Gully’s tale and Psalm 51 tell us that God just wants you to grow into a strong fruitful tree. You may not be able to bear the kind of fruit He plans for you until you’re fully broken in.

Developing Character

Who do people see in you?

It’s not just what people see you doing—it’s what they see you as. “What people see you as” is a way of saying, “what defines you.” When people define who you are they are making a short description of your character.

You might often think that what defines you is only what you’re good at: your talents. And yes, often times your schools, churches, families, businesses and other social structures have encouraged you primarily for what you’ve done well, not for who you are. Professional sports and their athletes are often times seen as the most disappointing end product of a world that overly emphasizes and rewards talents with no regard for character.

But in the end talents are temporary in importance. But character counts in a continuous way in life. It never stops being important. When you’re old over the hill no one will expect you to be good at a lot of things anymore – but how much they still appreciate you is a reflection of your character. Any older or wiser person than you would tell you this.

THE KIND OF CHARACTER AWARDS ARE NAMED AFTER

Many athletes receive individual awards. Whether it’s the Heisman an MVP or the Golden Glove awards they all are meant to celebrate what one person does in a year of games. My favorite football player is the quarterback of my hometown team, the Indianapolis Colts. Peyton Manning, like many successful quarterbacks, has shelves full of individual awards to go with his team trophies. But in 2004 ESPN magazine, when rating all quarterbacks in the league, said of Manning: “He’s the kind of player they name awards after.” That statement took be back a bit—even as much of a fan as I am of the player. If you cheer for a contemporary of Manning’s on another team, you might disagree firmly with the statement. But why did they say it? It has more to do with who he is than what he’s done, since they wrote it before he’d even won a Super Bowl.

Peyton Manning himself points to one individual award over all others that he is personally proud of, and that’s the Sullivan Award. He says that the Sullivan Award is “given to the top amateur athelete not just for what he does in sports but for what he does in school and in the community. Not every Heisman winner has been a model citizen. The Sullivan people honor you for at least trying to be one, as well as for being a good player. They vote on it for reasons I hold dear.”[10] Could it be that they name awards after players for different reasons than you give them to them? And if so, I wonder if we live our spiritual lives in such a way to “win” awards rather than to have the kind of character that would cause God to name one after us.

HOW TO DEVELOP CHARACTER

The morning paper never had it so good as when Calvin and Hobbes cartoons were in it. In one of my favorite frames, Calvin’s parents are hauling him to go on a canoeing and camping trip. He’s being his usually bratty self and complaining that they won’t have all the creature comforts they should on a vacation. His eager Dad excitedly says that this kind of vacation is what builds character in people. Calvin crosses his arms in the back-seat and says, “Why can’t I develop character on a beach somewhere?”

We may want to have good character but we often shy away from the things that actually develop it in us. What are the things that will develop your character in such a way that you bear more fruit in life?

SEVEN THINGS THAT DEVELOP CHARACTER:

Time. It’s a tough truth: the older you get in Christ, the more likely you have developed character in your life. As time passes in your life you either develop character or you develop bitterness and grudges. This is why Paul and so many other warn against entrusting leadership to young believers. Their competency may be sky-high—but their character needs to be tested with time. You can’t do much about this, other than to wait for it to come. Of course, part of why time develops character is simply that you’ve had more chances to experience the rest of this list.

Failure. People that have only succeeded in life often times lack the character that comes with being the loser and learning from it. John Maxwell calls this “failing forward” in his book by the same name. Ironically, one of the most successful ways to develop your character is to forge it in season of failure.

Scriptures. An eager heart toward studying the Bible is a sure sign of character, and it builds character in us like little else. That’s not my claim; the Bible itself says so as Luke recounts the difference between two groups of Christians in Acts 17:11. It says, “Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true” (NIV). If this is true of those first hearing the message it is all the more true for those of us who have already received it.

Faithfulness. Sometimes just sticking with it when others wouldn’t builds and shows your character. Sometimes you need to make a decision to stick with something that seems fruitless just because it’s the right thing to do. In the end the fruit that comes from it is the change in you. Ruth is credited with character in the Bible for this stick-to-a-tiveness. When she is courting Boaz he says to her “All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.”[11] This quality in her is noticed because of the way she followed her mother-in-law back to Israel even though her sister-in-law in the same situation did not. And then she took care of this woman as though she was her own blood. You can’t be 100% faithful in everything – and you don’t need to stick with everything you start. But when you do – you develop your character in leaps and bounds.

Change. Here’s a true saying, “We only like change when it’s someone else who has to do the changin’.” But change is what changes our character. We don’t grow in our character by staying the same, externally or internally. We fight against change out of our sinful nature that likes things like they are. But God upsets your situation and forces change in you to work on the heart issues that hold you back from developing character, and in turn ensure you remain without fruit. God may in fact be in favor of change for change sake—even when you are not. Change means increased character and fruit in your life.

Accountability. Having someone that knows what’s really going on in your head is the greatest way to work on your character in an ongoing way. We can become blind for seasons to the sins and character flaws that hold us back from The Fruitful Life. It’s important to have an accountability partner that will confront things you’re missing, and check your blind spots. Their job is to push your character buttons. If they know your weak areas – really know them – then they ensure you don’t take a break from developing character, even when you’re not facing a lot of other things on this list.

Enemies. The Bible is full of talk about enemies. All these passages talk about loving your enemies: Exodus 21:4-5, 1 Samuel 18:11-12, Psalm 109:4, Matthew 5:43-44, & Luke 6:27. There just something about the way we treat our enemies that does something to our character. Part of our problem is not being honest about the fact that we have people who are our enemies. Those who oppose us in any way, those we secretly wish would not do well, those who want our Christian cause to fail: they are all functional enemies. Perhaps we don’t want to frame them in those terms because we would have to obey all the above commands to love them—and we think that making their status more “grey” in our minds will allow for our “grey” attitude and behavior toward them. However, we will never get past the character flaws in us till we confront the issues enemies point out in us. And likewise overcome the barriers to loving them, praying for them, and sharing Christ with them (John 1:3) as we’re taught to.

Developing Authenticity

You think about what other people think too much.

Be honest. You dwell on this. Before you come into a room you wonder how people will think you look. When you’re done with a conversation, you replay the things you said and wonder how it came across. You, like all people, are worried about what people think.

Many people claim this isn’t true. They say that “I don’t care what people think.” But often times they’re just cultivating an image as someone that “doesn’t care.” In fact, even this is part of what they want others to think. Others say whatever they like-they are “straight shooters.” But often times they’re also just cultivating an image as being someone that “speaks their mind” and doesn’t hold back. Even those among us that don’t claim to care really do care what other people think.

IMAGE MANAGEMENT

Projecting a desired image is a huge focus these days in the world. Politicians gather focus groups, take polls and spend millions on commercials to manage the image the public has of them. Corporations make precise public moves that have little to do with their goals or production in order to create a desired image. Organizations hire agencies to meticulously cultivate this often fake image. Companies allocate funds and create office branches for the sole reason of image management. And image management seems to work.

Because of the church’s desire to become more like the business world everyday we are fascinated with this phenomenon. Churches and church people are interested in making sure their image remains positive and untainted. Unlike the things churches usually deal in (prayer, salvation, discipleship, teaching, community) image management is totally and excitingly qualifiable. You can measure your image. So we have adopted image management as the latest appendage to church growth and, more importantly, spiritual leadership.

One of my teachers often said to our class, “Say what you want to say but perception is reality.” People often come to our churches not because of a delicate investigation of the truth but because of a shallow perception of the image we have. And that image is one we plan for them to sense. It’s a “managed” image. The image which we give-to many-is all that matters these days.

But so very often the perception of things is often not the ultimate reality. For instance, the professor that told me that perception is reality is the same one that was caught in an affair with his secretary a few years later. In fact, the perception he projected was not reality. In reality the perception we had of him was delicately and intentionally managed. We were manipulated.

What is your image? Do you consciously cultivate it for some purpose of your own? Even if you don’t, does that image bring people closer to knowing God? Or does it just make them more likely to appreciate you or even follow you? Is your Christianity partially or even mostly based upon the image which you have created for yourself? If so, then it’s time for an authenticity boost in the way you see yourself and others see you.

Authenticity is all about humility about yourself and appreciation for others. The Bible even points out that trying to manage your image is selfishness. Philippians 2:3 says, “Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.” If you appreciate others and trust them you can show who you really are around them.

REAL: THAT MEANS NOT FAKE

Our Senior High student ministry at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church has called their ministry Real. for the past several years. Their banner says: “Real. that means not fake.” I like the simplicity and stark truth that phrase communicates. It’s saying: “we’re not a fake ministry, we’re not about popularity and show, we are who we are-and that’s real.”

Perhaps a key to the fruitful life is to live the transparent life first. You can’t grow to the next level in your fruitfulness if you’re not honest about where you are. There are few areas where we Christians fake things more than in our evangelism. Whenever the topic comes up the excuses come out. We’ll do anything but admit: “I haven’t really reached out with the gospel to anyone in months, maybe years.” But when it comes down to it-that phrase would be true of most Christians.

Until you develop authenticity in your life - the kind where you can project yourself to be who you truly are, you’ll always feel like there’s a roof on your growth and fruitfulness. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Developing Authenticity is just the simple process of being who you are and not pretending to be someone you’re not.

WAYS TO BE WHO YOU ARE

Start with a group of people who you can really be yourself with. Your accountability partner, your spouse, your small group, your neighbor, your brother or sister: these can all be that circle in which you’re truly yourself 100%. The most authentic people are those that share everything with someone at sometime in every week.

When you catch yourself saying something to manage your image, add a more humble remark later in the conversation. Sometimes it might even be necessary to say, “I think I overstated something earlier” or “You know… the reality is that I often feel like I’m not doing that very well.” This not only helps you stop faking it-it also builds trust in the people you talk with. They’ll respect you for dialing it down a notch or sharing what you really feel.

Be real about your strengths and weaknesses. We are all different when it comes to this part of authenticity. Some of us are only authentic with our strengths and don’t show our weaknesses. We might even spin our weaknesses as strengths. But we end up being distant from those we care about and others just assume we have it all together. Break through your strengths addiction by sharing your weaknesses with others. Some of us are only authentic, on the other hand, with our weaknesses and don’t show our strengths. We might even spin strengths as weaknesses when they’re pointed out. This isn’t being authentic-it’s false humility. If you’re truly authentic and real, sometimes you should just say, “you know, I’m pretty good at that.”

Sidebar Verses:

Ps 69:32 The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help live in joy.

Ps 138:6 Though the LORD is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud.

Mt 18:4 Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Mt 23:12 But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

1Pe 5:6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you.

(All NLT)

Experienced Investing

Don’t spend your life…invest it.

There are a thousand things you could spend your life doing. And here I’m not just speaking about your career. In general a lot of things can pass the time. But few things are true investments in the future.

INVESTING IN KINGDOM STOCK

I took a 13 weeks financial class with my wife a few years back and it was great information for us to implement in budgeting, spending and saving. Overall the key principle that is important to grasp in finances is the delayed gratification principle. This idea tell us to hold off (delay) purchases and expenses we desire in the present for the future when they are more affordable and we have the money to spare, which means our desires will still be gratified, just later down the road. Of course, all the other financial teaching usually flows from this simple principle. And conversely, this principle is the hardest one to live out as a way of life. We see gratification in here and now terms. This is why people can get great financial teaching and still mess their budgets and credit up because of short-term pleasure purchases.

Things of the kingdom work in a similar way. When interacting with people we often see how we can gratify our own needs from them in the short run. Relationally, we spend time with friends, we don’t invest in them. We seek to have our own surface needs met—rather than to take the time and have the conversations that pay off in the long run.

However, if you invest now for the long run those friendships “pay off” with increased returns. Much like the stock-market – if you broadly “spend” your relational investments and don’t “pull them out” of people you’re practically guaranteed to have the kind of rich relationships that make you feel like a million bucks. But this “economy of the kingdom” is so much more important than your retirement fund.

THREE WAYS TO INVEST IN RELATIONSHIPS

First, understand that investing earlier pays off in the long run. When talking with a new friend, it’s best to invest in the important conversations early in the relationship, and not put them off. We all know that investing $1,000 now is better than $2,000 in ten years. In relationships it’s the same way. The important conversations have to do with spiritual things. Have you ever made a friend you don’t think knows Christ, but got to the point in the relationship that it was awkward to bring up spiritual things with them? This is often because you didn’t divulge that part of yourself to them early enough. You didn’t have easy short conversations early to invest that little bit of spiritual capital in the relationships. So then you’re stuck dropping “hints” with them about “going to church” and “religious asides” that feel far less authentic for you than talking with someone you’ve already had spiritual conversations with from the get-go.

Second, remember to diversify your evangelistic portfolio. My financial advisor explained this whole process to me and though I’d heard of it I still learned so much more. In investments having a bunch of different styles and types of stocks over a long period of time not only decreases risk but also increases returns. It’s a key economic theory nearly all finance types espouse. But in spiritual things this is true too. Instead of putting all your “evangelistic eggs” in one basket – hoping to bring just this one person to Christ – it’s important to spread it out into a lot of different investments. This is important for two reasons: 1) you never know if you’re going to “plant the seed”, “water it” or “reap the fruit” (In the terms Paul uses). So you should go about planting, watering and reaping and contributing to the process in many people’s lives. And 2), it’s just more authentic. It doesn’t make sense for you to “turn on the evangelism” button when talking to this or that person but not others. No, you’re a follower of Christ no matter what circle you are in. so diversify your investment into everyone you know, from your neighbor and co-worker, to your family members and the guy at the gas station.

Third, practice consistency in investing rather than waiting for your ship to come in. In finances, you may have learned to put a little away every time you get a paycheck. You may have learned that while it doesn’t look like much along the way—over time it really does add up. This is so true in sharing your faith with those around you. Sometimes we wait forever for our evangelistic “ship” to come in. We hope and pray for that one big conversation with a non-believer where we can share the whole plan of salvation… and then ask the big question. Most if not all of us are frustrated with this method, because it feels a bit contrived and pressured… but we don’t see another way. The other way is to invest slowly but surely. You don’t need to pull the whole “ship” in during one conversation with a friend. In fact, they may need 50 conversations to get to the point where they “dock” spiritually and commit to Christ. Think of it this way: each conversation with your friends that don’t know Christ is like a paycheck—just pull 10% or more of that conversation out and invest it in spiritual things. Just like your real bank account – this kind of investment is guaranteed to add up!

HOW TO TALK ABOUT SPIRITUAL THINGS IN CONVERSATIONS

Sometimes we shy away from these investments because we don’t know where to begin or follow-through in having a spiritual conversations. There’s a very authentic method for sharing your faith, called the “three story” method, that you might give a try. There are three stories: Their Story, Your Story, and God’s Story.

THEIR STORY

The place to start is simply listening. Listen to where they are coming from. Understand their questions and where they come from before answering them. If you’re worried about becoming an automated “answer man” with your non-Christian friends then just stop trying to answer questions at all. Say “I don’t know – what do you think” from time to time. People don’t want you to push something on them till they’ve told their story. A well placed question from you from time to time opens this story up to more spiritual things: “So, what’s the craziest thing that ever happened to you?” or “What kind of religious upbringing did you have, if any?” or “Do you ever wonder about the purpose of life?” But people are spiritual beings by nature – and if you just listen you’ll hear their spiritual story over time.

YOUR STORY

It’s hard to argue with first hand testimony. It’s why a “witness” in a criminal case is the most powerful defense or offense. In fact, this is why so many years ago people started to use the term “witnessing” for sharing your spiritual story with non-Christians. It may have fallen out of favor as a term today – but we still mean the same thing. You’re just sharing what you’ve seen happen to you spiritually. If nothing’s ever happened to you spiritually, then there are other problems. But if you’re connected to the vine, then your life has been changed. So when asked or given the opportunity simply share variations of the following things (use the space provided to write out yours, if you’ve not yet done this:

What you were like before you accepted Christ. (For those of us that accepted Christ very early in life we can either share from a time of rebellion, or how our life “would have been like” without Christ.)

How did God get your attention? (What was it that caused you to wake up to spiritual things and accept Christ?)

How di you make a commitment to follow Crhist? (What process did you actually go through to make it real for you?)

What difference has Christ made in your life? (In what ways do you see that God has changed you – that life makes more sense because of Jesus?)

GOD’S STORY

In the end people need to know more than their own story and your story. They need to connect with the story. God’s story. We often see this part of evangelism as the hardest part. In fact, people are most often lacking in the area of sharing their faith because they feel like they don’t know enough about the Bible. And the Bible is quite simply “God’s story.” So this is where things break down. There’s two things that you need to know because of that: 1) make every effort to know more about God’s story… don’t use a lack of knowledge as an excuse and a de-motivator. Let it charge you up about learning the word. But also remember 2) that the story is remarkably simple and easy to summarize. Some people have summarized it as simply as: “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.” Some have simply quoted scripture to do it: “God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son…” or “Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.” They key again is the personalize God’s story and translate it for people in everyday conversations. What do YOU think the key to God’s story is? Tell people that. And if you don’t—you might begin to ask yourself if you really believe the story in the first place.

Week Three

15.16.17.18.19.20.21

Group Questions

1) Share around the group some of the names you wrote in the Being Developed Worksheet on page 50.

2) What are the two or three most significant crisis seasons you’ve experienced in your life? Are you in one right now?

3) What cross-cultural “reality” experiences have you had? How did you grow in your view of the needs of the world because of these?

4) What has developed brokenness in you? How do you pull up a defense against being broken in your spirit? How do you think brokenness will help you reach out to people?

5) Which of the seven things that develop character do you need more intentional about developing?

6) What are the things you like people to think about you that aren’t always true? How do you “fake it” in some circles? How real are you with your non-Christian friends?

7) What non-religious friend are going to invest in this week?

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