Dear
Mom,
You
know I can’t write a letter like this yet.
It’ll be a long while before I can.
But this is the letter I would write to you if I could. Even with all my crying and fighting and
struggles, I want to tell you these
things. I just can’t yet. You might have to wait a long time to hear
them. For now you’ll have to take the
little things I do—the hugs and kisses stolen, the random smiles that show I
appreciate you, the times I say something that melts your heart—you’ll have to
take these things as reminders that you deserve to hear more than I say, or
even can say at this age.
Mom…
you are the world to me. I would like to
spend every hour of every day with you.
Is that true of anyone else?
Regardless of how much I may or may not look like you, my insides are
all because of you. Yes, I might have
some of you in me from birth, but everything since then has meant so much
more. I’m already picking up things from
you that make me who I am. Mostly I’m
picking up the best stuff about you.
Don’t feel guilty about what you aren’t doing or what you wish you were
doing better. You’re so incredible at
what you’re already doing. Nobody loves
me like you. Nobody. Your love comes out in hundreds of ways every
day, too many for me to count, which is good because I can’t count so good yet.
More
than anything just looking into your eyes I see it. You love me in spite of all the diapers I’ve
filled! You love me even with the way I
treat my siblings. You love me even
though I don’t act like I love you all the time.
But
here’s the thing. I do love you. I don’t know
how to say it enough yet and maybe I never will but you need to know how much I
love you. Decades from now I’ll
experience the saddest day of my life when you pass from this life. I’ll cry more that day than any other day in
my life. No one else means more than
you, Mom. There’s just something special
about it. You’re my mommy! Nothing more… and nothing
less. But that’s all that counts
to me.
Thanks
for all you put up with to make sure I’m well-fed, clean & dressed. Those little tasks could be so menial and
degrading but somehow you have the Christ-like humility to do them day in and
day out. You put up with so much to
teach me the right way to do things, to learn all the things I need to learn
before I go to school. Most of
everything important I learn in life I’ll have learned from you before I ever
go to class with some other teacher: that I am loved by the people who know me
best, that the world is a place that we need to be safe in but more than
anything it’s a fun place, that reading is a great way to learn and something
fun to do together, that friends are important, that siblings should be
respected and loved, that toys aren’t as important as relationships, that
sharing helps everyone, that saying you are sorry is hard but nothing is more
admirable, that you’re proud of me for who I am more than what I do, that the
way I look on the outside is less important than the attitude I have on the
inside, that making funny faces will always be funny, that there is a God that
loves me too, that He loves me so much He sent His only Son to save me. You will have taught me the most important stuff
of life. You’re my greatest teacher and
role model. You always will be.
I
could go on forever about you… and for the rest of my life no one will be able
to talk about you in my presence without me coming to your defense or without
me singing your praises. You mean so
much to me.
Thank
you so much for all you have done and will continue to do in raising me!
I love you,
Your Child
©2004 David Drury
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